I've worked to keep these posts positive, focusing on achieving goals and milestones. The truth is that somedays it really hard to be positive. Today is one of those days. Things ARE getting better, I'm a little stronger and little less tired most days, I can walk and ride my bike, but the truth is that I am a long way from "recovered". I may not be "sick" anymore but I certainly not "well".
I still struggle daily with pain, sometimes so bad I can hardly get out of bed. And even after all the physical therapy I still struggle to lift my arms over my head or carry anything even slightly heavy. I have some pretty serious nerve damage in both my feet and legs that causes a mixture of hot pain and numbness. I still get light headed when I stand too fast and sometimes struggle with balance a bit when I walk. I still can't even look at my feet without feeling a deep sense of sadness and loss.
Next month will mark the anniversary of getting sick and I'm not sure how to deal with it. On one hand I'd like to celebrate simply being alive, on the other hand, I don't feel like it's really over yet. I know I'll never be the same as I was before, I just wish I knew what I will be.
1 comment:
Ren...I feel for you. I've had the exact same feelings about myself lately. Wish you were closer so we could ride it out. My situation isn't nearly as bad as yours was and is, but I'm in a similar boat. My inner ear nerve does not work right...makes me dizzy and nauseated all the time. It may last forever. Yes I'm still alive and yes I have good days and can do some things. But I'm nothing like I used to be. I have a great attitude on days I feel ok...on the other days or even months, its much tougher especially not knowing what the future holds. You'll be okay...toes are overrated and pig valves are all the rage. Keep the updates coming..I'm pulling for you.
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